Valentine’s Day. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s one of the most hated holidays out there. If you’re dating someone maybe it’s not so bad, but you still have to come up with something sweet and romantic and creative, as if you’ve just got ALLLL this free time on your hands. And if you’re NOT dating someone, people are all like, “So what are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” And I’m like, “Nothing, it’s a Tuesday and I’m single,” and they’re like, “So you don’t have a date?” And I’m all, “WHY WOULD I HAVE A DATE ON VALENTINE’S DAY IF I’M NOT DATING ANYONE?” Is there some weird new trend I don’t know about where people willingly choose to go on a first date on a night when 70 million other people will be doing the same thing?
But I digress. And I acknowledge that there must be something good about a holiday where chocolate and wine play such large roles. So I have come up with a list of Valentine’s Day gifts, ideas, what have you, that I think are not so bad.
A bit racy, no? My friend and I were discussing when in a relationship it’s OK to give such a gift and we settled upon 6 months.
As I mentioned before, chocolate is one of the best things about life and it’s definitely one of the best things about Valentine’s Day. Why not give something from artisanal Brooklyn chocolate factory Mast Brother’s Chocolate?
Not dating a chocolate lover? You should probably dump them. But not on Valentine’s Day because that’s a really dick move. So give them something like this…
and break up with them on the 15th.
3. Heart-shaped Hand Snuggie
Get your very own here!
4. Home made dinner
As I said before, 70 million people will be going to dinner on Valentine’s Day. Just stay home and make something. Nothing crazy. Just start out with Red Fruits From the Garden, perfected by Andoni Luis Aduriz of Mugaritz, move on to the 48-hour short rib with braised daikon, pickled carrots and mustard seed from David Chang over at Momofuku and finish up with Mexican Chocolate Pots de Crème. Easy Peezy.
5. If you’re not sure about any of these options, but still want to do something, maybe a card is your best bet. Simple, thoughtful, and tells your significant other how you really feel.
Awww. It doesn’t get much sweeter than that.